Thursday, May 28, 2009


Stress at work, moving, shitty weather... It's been one of those weeks, and we even had Monday off. Last night I felt like blowing off some steam, so I grabed the Jake and headed out to do some hills, or heels as my country bumpkin girlfriend Jamie would call them.

We live in some pretty flat country around here, but I was in Warrensburg which meant I knew exactly where all the ball busters were. I headed out west after the FU Hill, followed by Premature Ejaculator and Meat Grinder, three times, back East to the Lions Hills, followed by You Suck Hill, and finished off with the Nut Buster. All in all I ended up with a hair under 1500 feet of climbing in a little less than and hour and half. My legs were stuck, wore out, and I had a bunch of cleaning to do.

I opted to procrastinate on this whole moving deal. I had all month to do it, but I figured why not wait till the last 4 days to do it all? So I spent all night cleaning and packing shit. I hate moving. I did say screw it this time though, and rented a Uhaul truck for Friday. I'm out on making 5 truck loads and 5 different trips from Blackburn to Warrensburg. My times worth more than the hundred dollars it will take to move it all one trip with the 17 foot moving truck.

I'm gonna take the Stumpy out and ride from Blackburn to Warrensburg tonight, about a 35 mile round trip on mostly gravel, then do more packing and cleaning. Tommorow nights gonna be a all nighter, and hopefully we should have it all whooped by Saturday in the AM. Then it's rest time, and getting ready for some ego crushin on Sunday at the Warsaw race. I'll have a nice big head going into the Rhetts Run, where abouts my soul will be crushed and my head popped like a pimple on a fat ladys ass. I'll leave you with that...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don't Drink and Dive!

Mixing swimming with drinking is NOT a good idea. Keep that in mind this weekend. You may get to the point of intoxication that it seems like a great idea to do a double gainer off the top of the dock, only to find out when your limp drunk body lands in the water, you're too drunk to swim your way back to the dock, let along pull your pansy ass up on it. Better hope you have one of these to save you...

I've had to save more than one friend who thought the same idea was smart.

Schmo and I tore up Landahl for a couple hours last night on the SS Monkey's. Trails are primo folks, hit them before the rain on Sunday and Monday. Saturday will be TITS!

I'll be heading down the the Lake to indulge in being a fat lazy ass. I will be staying sober long enought Saturday to go hit up the Warsaw trails though. Put in a little recon work for next weekends race.

What's that you say? Race at Warsaw? Yes, it is true, there's an undergroundish three race series going on down at the new and fresh Warsaw, MO trails. The first race is May 31st, the second is June 21st, and the third falling on July 12th. It's cheap, it's fun, it's another excuse to go ride yourself into the ground. Begginners pay 5 bucks, Sport is 10, and the few Expert racers is 15 bucks. Call Provelo in Sedalia for more info, (660)826-3322.

So whatever it is you find yourself doing this weekend, do it to the fullest, have fun, and remember, don't drink and dive!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My Soon To Be New Hood

Well, I'm turning a leaf, and saying goodbye to the rat hole town of Warrensburg that I've called my home for the last few years. I guess it wasn't THAT bad, but I guess if you compare a football shoved up your rear vs. a porcupine, that isn't that bad either. It's not my cup of tea.

I'm choosing to move to an even bigger hole in the wall, but more or less in a good way. Blackburn brings it back to the old school days of growing up in Russelville. Except Blackburn is much smaller than that. Its chill though, country as Garth Brooks, and it has a nice lake a stones throw from the back yard. Yup, it's real nice I tell ya.

Spent a good five hours on the bike this weekend. Two and a half hours on both Saturday and Sunday. I need to get my motionbased account set up so you can see all that is awesome with my Garmin readouts. Nothing grand...

Speaking of grand, here's a little town that pretty much sums up the kinda place you'll find me rolling my two wheels around...

That got me thinking, what constitutes a town? I mean you can piss from one side to the other in this town. So I did some detective work. Seems as though the order goes like this, Hamlet, Village, Town, and City. Wiki had Grand Pass labled a Village. I'm pretty sure I'm the only lycra wearing fancy pants to travel through Grand Pass, but I'm happy to say, I made it through successfully.

A couple other images that let you know just how country it is out here. This isn't like suburbs of KC country, this is like where the hoot owls fuck the chickens country. I would be more worried if I didn't carry a 12 guage strapped to my bike while riding. Let some hillbilly try to make me squeal like a pig. There's no snout here fat boy...

One last note before you go about your day, how do you all keep from this?

Guess I'll just have to play the farmer's tan part, and deal with the paste that is my body. It's gonna look real good this weekend when I'm showing off my bodies for the ladies. Get your glasses ladies, this sexeness will blind you...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Start of Something Grand

If there's a bandwagon to jump on, I'm on it. These things are like the latest and greatest I'm told, you're a no body until you have your own blog. We'll slap my ass and call me Skippy, I'm now a somebody. I've gone global, but I promise this won't be just another average, half-assed, this is what my boring day consisted of type of blog. More like a source of all awesomeness, what's new in the emense world of Mid-West cycling, and how I'm preparing to dominate the weak of hearted on the trails next race. You'll also find reports of my mojo being crushed by the stupid fast Expert racers this year, reports of epic far and away battles with the most stellar trail systems in the area, and a bunch of other random musings and ramblings. Strap youself in, your about to take a ride on the crazy train...