Sunday, December 13, 2009

Arriving Home Safely

Well the first shreading trip of the year proved to be badass. Snow conditions were not ideal, icy with some powder here and there. The terrain parks proved to be tits, and progression was made. Many falls where had, one to the noggin that led to a helmet purchase. My lid is worth investing in saving. I launched my biggest jumps to date, ready for even higher heights next trip. Kevin and Worm proved to be good company, much shit talking was had and many margaritas where consumed. We reached sky high status many times at 12,000 feet proving you can always get higher. What can I say, i can't wait to return....

Videos to come...


Sunday, November 29, 2009

Oh Yes It's Almost That Time

There's only one more cyclocross race before the my favorite season starts, SNOWBOARD SEASON! I have a killer new board and bindings coming in via UPS this week. Can't wait to get them and start doing carpet 360's and boardgrabs getting ready for some serious rippage of the terrain parks at Weston, and the newest hot spot this year, KEYSTONE!

Oh ya, get ready Keystone, t minus 2 weeks and counting...

BTW, for all you snow junkies out there, Ride is doing a promotion. Sign up, use their search engine and you win points in which you can later cash in for Ride products. You'll find it here...

Search + Win

Maybe I can score a sweet trucker hat...

Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm Not A Runner

What a sweet ass race... I've been waiting for that shit since all you crazy nutty cylocross racers have been trying to talk me into doing it. All the talk about just how fucking great this cyclocross racing is. Ya, your right. I said it, I love the shit. This weekend race was made for me, kinda...

You see one thing I lack horribly in when it comes to cyclocross is running. Especially when it comes to running up steep long hills. I ride a bike, I don't run. Although after this weekend, I learned that it's something I'll be loading into my arsenal next season, hell maybe even a little this season coming into OUR state championship.

They started us with the Open class at the Destad KS State Championship Race. I coulda gave a shit less about this race, I'm not from KS, I can't win State, and I missed last weeks race taking me out of the overall running. I wanted to have fun, I wanted to race in MUD! I got both...

I had a pretty awesome start, I had an even better first couple of laps. I was stoked when I ran up the hill hearing Cameron shout out "Dude your like top 5!" Who would of guessed a couple of single speeders could toss it up with the open guys. Only in a race like yesterdays...

Songer rode strong, but I felt stronger. I could have done alot of things differently, but I did what I did, and came up short of the win. I was riding behind Songer comfortably, more comfortable than ever before. I even led a bit, but wanted to keep it low key till the last few laps to go. That worked until he put a gap on me. I closed it alright, that's right, I'm not that big of a bitch. But then I layed it out sideways on one of the corners. Totally washed the front end of the bike out like I had just hit a patch of ice. Wallowed in the mud like a fucking pig, but quickly got back on it. At this time he had 30 seconds on me and we had two laps to go.

I worked and worked, but with each of the three running sections I lost power. My legs felt like cement. I was toast... Last lap was a blur, my only regret was that I didn't lay it down harder. I could tell Songer was pushing it and my legs just didn't have it. Turns out he had a bad last lap and won by only 10 seconds. Oh well, I was happy, I had a fucking blast, and I got to toss it up with the Open guys like a pro, with one gear...

If you missed it, I'm truely sorry, you missed the best race of the year. I did everything wrong coming into the race just to see how much it would matter... Didn't seem to matter much. But for our State I'll probably refrain from eating all you can eat crablegs the night before, downing a bottle of wine, and otherwise partaking in illegal activity that would likely be frowned upon by our great governing clusterfuck that is know as USCF.

Good times, man good times...

Quote of the race that made my day, "You have spikes on those tires?" Brian Jensen as I slice a downhill right corner passing him. Yup, spikes and fucking tire chains...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lake Cycling

If you're not buying Lake Cycling shoes, you need to be... I swear, I've never experienced customer service like theirs, EVER! I just got off the phone with Chris, I had a few issues with a couple pair of their shoes, and as always he was spot on with his service.

I bought a pair of their top end 401's a year back, and competly destroyed them at Ouchita this year. I talked with Chris, and he informed me they had an issue with said shoe, which I why I was able to buy it at the discount price. No biggie, he said send them here, and I'll fix them up. Not only did he fix them up, but he sent me a replacement pair of 235's to ride while I was without the 401's. That's a $200 pair of shoes for free, just so he knew that I had something to wear in the meantime.

Oh by the way, when you call their number, it rings a few times, and a real person picks up. Eat that shit big 3.

So fast forward to today. My 401's had a broken dial from eating shit at the Swope XC race. I've been bullshiting about calling, but finally called today. He hooked me up with the BOA e-mail and told me what to do to get a new dial system sent to me, for free. Also my 235s have had an issue with the rear sole cup coming loose. The stichting broke a few months ago, and finally broke loose. Again, no biggie said Chris, send me a picture, take them to your local shoe smith, and I'll re-imburse you for the cost.

Holy shit, I mean how much better can you get? Well let me tell you... My buckles came a little loose and flop around a bit. I don't give a shit, they still work, but they click clack sometimes. I'm not picky, especially with a free pair of shoes. While I was talking to him about the new pimptastic 235's coming out, he told me they went to straps because they're trying to get away from buckles. I told him my deal and he said he was shipping out the new and improved buckle system as we spoke.

Now you may ask why I've had so many problems with my shoes. Understand that on a normal year, I would go through 2-3 pair of Specialized shoes. While I never really tested Specialized shoes warranty, I don't care. They fell apart like junk, while as the Lake shoes just have little issues here and there. Not completly falling apart issues like I had with Specialized. I ride hard, I'm hard on my shit. If a pair of shoes last me a year I'm utterly amazed. The 235's look like brand new after 6 months of constant abuse. A little work on the heal and I'm good. The 401's after the repair still are holding strong also.

Lake is the shit in my book and I hope they can be the shit for you too. Check out their website at

And here's a pic of the new 235. Oh ya baby, RASTAFARIAN! I'm checking a pair come March, these are just to sweet to pass up.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Boss Cross 3 - Ups and Downs

Wow that one awesome, painful race...

Cameron smoked us in the SS class. I had a good gap at one time on Songer, he came back, and beat me at the very last minute of the last lap. Almost...

I borrowed Kevin's Tricross to race the 3/4s. Couldn't muster the strength for the SS in two races. Probably the hardest race of my life, there were times where all I wanted to do was collapse and die. Started out horrible, towards the back, but found my groove and started picking off riders left and right. A few laps in I found myself behind Mark Cole. Put it down on the techinical section to get a gap. Slowly built it up and then went to maintaining it.

Could't catch Travis, he was riding well and I didn't have shit for snap. I came around and saw 5 laps to go and almost passed out. The last half of the race was a blur, pound it on the hills and sappy sections and hold on for the rest. Managed to take 4th though, which I was happy about.

Won 20 bucks in that race, and a Giro hoodie for a 3rd in the SS class. Another good day of training.

Yesterday we woke up early, popped the first top of a bottle of wine at 10 and finished the third bottle around 5. Good day of relaxing and enjoying the weather. This time change has me all messed up.

Wanna ride tommorow night? Legs get snapped at the Tuesday Night Training Races... Meet at the west side of Berkley Riverfront Park, just below the Grand St. viaduct.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Smithville Pain Fest!

I'll give it to him, Songer is one strong son of a bitch. Not to say his mother is a bitch, just a figure of speech. Any dude who can race a master's race solidly, and then come kick some ass in the SS class has my respect. I've beaten him once, only because he had mechanical issues. I've been able to hold on to him a little in every race, even leading him in some. This race I would only be able to hold on for 3 or so laps before he dropped me like a shit from the rear.

I think I needed a 21... The 42x20 has been golden, except for these last two races. I think last weekends race was just some bad decisions from the few nights before, but I know this race coming in I was fresh. The bike worked flawlessly as always, but that fuck you hill took it's toll. Not to mention the sand.

Chris Locke started out like a bat out of hell, almost taking out the lead back in the first turn. Slow your roll bud, you're much better off holding a wheel for the first lap, not trying to run us all into the ground. Songer took a gap, I finally passed Chris on the barriers and made it to Songer. He later dropped me, 3rd and 4th looked strong but dropped off at seperate times during the race, and I took 2nd, again, to Songer.

My back sucked it up, not sure what that's been about. To the Chiro, then lotsa core and back work. It's Songer in first for the overall with me in second. I need to win the next two races...

Thanks to the crew for putting on a bad ass race, it a blast as always with this cross shit.

Travis raced his best looking race yet taking second to Mark Cole. Who I assume is catting up next weekend? I would sure hope so, he's more than ready. Cam raced the open on his fixed mtb, crazy fucker. I held on the last part of the race just making sure I met him at the same crossing every lap to ensure I wasn't losing time. Was sastisfied with that...

Can you say blown up? I rode that wall thou damnit, and made it my bitch almost ever time except for once or twice...

Kevin cracks me up, I can see it running through his head, "I will squash this pussy barrier, and prove once and forall my manly might!"

Get ready for Boss Cross 3 this weekend, it Halloween and I'm sure many shanagans will be going down. Now to figure out my costume...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Boulavard Cup

Tank 7, the shit... My legs, not so much. Boulavard Cup was a C race for me, so I'm still happy at my lackluster performance. Friday night and Saturday spelled disaster with a giant blowup with Jamie led to a bunch of unwanted stress, but that's life. That's women...

I felt decent warming up but once the pre-lap hit, I noticed tight legs. The first lap went well with Cam and I putting in a nice gap. I slowly started to fade from there. Went down on lap 3 or 4 and lost some time. Songer eventually passed me on the three step barrier, I went too wide and ended up outside of the tape. Had to do another quick dismount to get back on course and he saw it. He put in a surge, I couldn't answer.

Felt like quiting many times during the race. I couldn't stay one top of my gear, and my back was killing me which is unusual. I saw 4th starting to make ground so I decided to use some strategy. I sat up on lap 5 for the last half and let him catch up. I knew 5th was out of it, so it would be me and him for 3rd. He put in an instant gap on the pavement, probably 10 or so seconds. I quickly caught him on the first hill and noticed he was feeling it too. I managed to cut him on a corner and took back over 3rd and never looked back.

Caught a second wind, and managed to extend my gap leading into the last lap. Took a beer hand up and cruised in for 3rd. Pretty happy given my weak performance. Got to see what I was really made of, and it will prove to pay off hugely in my future performances.

The race was awesome, the food was amazing, the beer was flowing, and the crowd was awesome. Something about people screaming your name makes you dig deep.

This pic pretty much sums it up for me. Huge congrats to Travis, he put in a nice race even though they wouldn't allow him to race 3's. Cam tore up the SS division on his Fixie, proving he still is and always will be a beast on a bike. Jamie, Kevin, and Jessie also were in attendance, all looking stonger than ever. Good job guys!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Chris Cross EARLY!

Holy shit, someone inform the slackass police to remove my name, I actually have a race report that's not a week old. I haven't reported any good music lately either, so here's one... Company of Thieves, a female led alternative group out of Chicago. I'm not usually one to fall in love with a female led vocal band, not to sound gay or anything, but there's been few that truely grab my musical likings. Genevieve does tho, and Oscar Wilde, acoustic or not, is a great song to start with. Ordinary Riches is the only CD I've run across on Itunes, and it's a pretty damn good one.

So back to what ya came for, the report on what exactly went down this weekend. Let me start by making fun of those who didn't have the balls to come out and race in the colder than normal bulllshit Missouri weather. YOU FUCKED UP! Ha ha, really, you might have missed one of the most kick ass course to date. Then again I'm new to this cyclocross shit, but I heard from others that the course was well loved. Nice off cambered climbs, plenty of elevation, some sweet cobblestones, and enough bumps to weed out the tough from the weak.

I lined the SS class, as we waited to launch just 30 seconds after the 1/2/3's. I managed to find the front line, a postition I always try to grab. I find that as long as I can stay in the front, I can do well. We started on an uphill and I had one of the best starts of my life, with an instant clip in followed by an explosion of pedals to take the holeshot easily. I let Stephen Songer take the led though, because I have also learned that as long as you can hold to this dude, your going to be in the top two. He's been dominating the SS class, but each week I find myself holding his wheel longer and longer. Behind us chasing were Theodore Flemming and Chris Locke. Two more guys I knew I had to look out for.

Songer and I put in a gap early, but it wasn't as big as usualy. He led the first lap, I lead the second, and then he took back over on the third. We had a decent gap built up to this point, and that's when shit luck hit Songer. Coming into the tennis court section he dropped his chain, and I was forced to take the lead. I don't mind this postition but I haven't been in it enough for cross to feel comfortable. This was only about 20 minutes into the 50 minute race and I was a little uncertain how to keep my pace as to not fizzle out and lose my lead.

Well I held it... Took 1st. I felt good, and being able to see how far back Theodore was helped me with my pacing. Songer dropped his chain a bunch more and ended up 6th. This is turning into quite a interesting turn of events with the SS overall classification. Both Songer and I have a 1st and 6th, and both Theodore and Chris have a 2nd and 3rd. That puts their total even at 88 and ours at 84. If I can stay consistant and hold off Songer and those two, I can take the overall. That's going to lead to 3 though races...

Thanks to my old team of Cowtown for putting on quite the event. I really hoped it would have worked out with that team, but I've left to join the ranks of Team Ethos for reasons of we all fit together nicely. Travis did nice with a 6th in a very competitive 3/4 group. I can probably confidently say that there are some definent sandbaggers in that group, Dan O being ommited from that statement. Whoever that guy was who took first obviously looked to be an Open Racer in the wrong class for some points. Guess I won't say much more, but good job Travis non the less. Jamie was also out putting it down in the 4s.

I love that money shot.

BOULAVARD CUP THIS WEEKEND! See you then, or if you'd like you can come test your might Wednesday at the Swayze Memorial Cyclocross Race, I'll be there... Will you?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Boss Cross Late Yes

Damnit man, no matter how hard I try I still slack on the updates. I'm wasting some time so I figured in between watching clips of bad asses like Martin Soderstrom and reading post about how Eatough is making his last big bang this weekend, I present my last weekend recap.

Boss Cross totally kicks ass, those guys put on one hellava weekend. I did awesome, proud of my skillz, and it made paying 160 bucks for a fucking Comfort Inn room worth it. Seriously? Comfort Inn common, I know it was the last room but I didn't even get a reach around. I at least expect some lube with that rape, but alas, I was dry humped.

Saturday I lined the SS race and battled it out with Songer and another 360 racer. Songer took off, I fumbled and wrecked. I battled hard with the other guy but made my pass on the sandy river bottom section. I hopped off, ran, passed, and made it stick. I put it down heavy and put in a gap to take 2nd for the day.

Saturday night was filled with some good food, good brew, and good company over at Trav's house. I only threw back three because I figured I'd like to do somewhat decent on Sunday, so we called it an early night.

Sunday was good. I was in the mix in the SS race, right behind Britton. We caught Songer with 1 and half to go. I fumbled again, they put it down, I lost them, and sat up the rest of the race. Took it easy because I figured I'd try my hand at the Cat 4 race. We started the Cat 4 race 30 minutes later. I felt great, and managed to stay to the front and out of all the carnage that was going down. I did ride shitty the first lap but busted loose on the barriers on lap 2. Put it down hard for the win. I know, I probably cherry picked a bit, but I already had one race in me for the day, I'm new to this shit, and I was on a SS for christ sake. I mean those guys had wheels that cost more than my whole bike. I'm joining the 3/4 ranks next time...

Great weekend, great racing, and great weather. Congrats to Travis for taking 3rd on Saturday in the 3/4's. That was seriously one of the most bad ass finishes I've got the pleasure of watching. Go Ethos!

I got to hit up a couple hours of dirt last night... Binder Lake. Fucking great I tell you. Two weeks my Stumpy has sat in the basement. Ever since the Swope race. It felt great to get back out on the trails, and I was reminded that even though I love this cross shit, mountain biking will always be where my heart remains. I just love ripping singletrack and tackling technical obstacles. Nothing like it...

So no training tonight, hit it hard tommorow night, take it easy Saturday, and race Chris Cross on Sunday. Not a bad plan... I meant to post some pics from this weekend, but I don't have them and even if I did that shit takes time. I'm off to pick up some ribs, some brew, and a can of chaw to post up and watch the gridiron game of MU VS Nebraska tonight. I don't really care that much, but something about sitting on my ass and watching a epic battle in the rain and mud sounds pleasing.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Swayze Memorial Cross Race and This Weekends Asskickings

So if you missed Wednesday's Swayze Memorial Cross race, then I feel sorry for you. You missed out on a great time. To sum it up, you missed Shawn creaming the barrier trying to show his superior bunny hopping skillz, or lack thereof, and Cameron in rare form not know what to do with high speeds, a fixie, and a barrier. He looked goofy as hell trying to dismount. I thank you Cam, had it not been for that fuck up, you would have destroyed us all in the three stage cross race. Oh, but the name of the game is consistancy my friend, something your normally very good about, but you brought a knife to a gunfight, and forgot how to throw it.

Thanks to Briton for putting on a good time, I think he also could have been in contengency for the top spot but unfortantely he took a spill on the first short track race and broke his right Rival shifter. You never know just what may happen...

Me, I raced particularly well in the light of strong players. I put down a decent TT, but had troubles clipping in which cost me some time. I took 3rd tied with Chris Hersey. He managed to one up me on the first race, I had a pass planned on the last home stretch but got caught up in traffic and couldn't pull the trigger. The second longer race had Chris out front for half the race. I then pulled a move, and did like they say and put in a gap. It held, I still got lapped by Cameron, but pulled out a 2nd to wrap up the night in a tie with Hersey for first.

I'll take it, but I know I was not the best out there, just the most consitant. It was awesome training, and my lungs got a searing workout. I felt like I had smoked a quarter sack afterwards, but I knew it was for the better. Unlike had I really smoked that much grass. Oh, the good ol' days.

Gather up the boys cause this weekend the cross action is going to be hot. Parkview is home of the Boss Cross 1 and 2, Saturday and Sunday. I plan on putting the hurt on as many SS'ers as possible, just got the call that my new Surly cogs are in. No more 42x18, I'm taking it a little easier.

Here's the dirt on Swayze.

Here's Boss Cross...

Peace and Love Hombres, get out and ride yur foocking bike.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I'm Shitty

About keeping this thing updated. I really didn't think it would be hard, but I find myself putting off updates all the time. I'm a shitty blogger.... Sorry. Not that many of you choose to read my ramblings, but to the few lonelies out there who have nothing better to do, I appologize.

I had an awesome KC Cup experience. I'm pretty sure I was the only dummy to toe the expert line with one gear. I spun my freaking brains out keeping up with the fast start on the road, but managed to find myself in a decent spot when we hit the singletrack. I think I got some looks passing people on the pavement on my SS. I spin like a monkey on crank.

I did manage to get stuck behind a train of riders who I could have done better without. I managed to superman it trying to pass some 360 rider who didn't give me shit for room to pass. Seemed to be the story of the day. Apparently these Expert Guys don't like to get passed and aren't so gracious about letting you do so. I expect the one getting passed to slide to the right, and let the passer pass on the left, preferably somewhat on the singletrack. This guy expected me to dodge trees and run in the sticks to pass him.

I finally broke free of traffic and was able to roll my own pace halfway into the race. I finished fairly strong, taking 3rd in my age group 19-29. Of course Shad Shiener took first with Cam just a few seconds behind for 2nd. Kinda hard competition. Those guys took 1st and 2nd overall. Had I not got stuck in traffic, I'm pretty sure I would have taken tope 5 overall. I missed it by one minute and took 6th. I was stoked.

Last weekend was my first cross race. FUCKING AWESOME! Got me hooked... I raced SS after fucking with my bike all week. Apparently it didn't like the gear choice I had on it, and I shoulda listned to it. I got it working, but it proved to work me midway through the race. Apparently I thought I could push a 42x18 for 45 minutes. I underestamated cross. I'll be switching to a 19 or 20 this weekend, for sure. Either way that shit was serious pain, and serious fun. Managed 6th outta 16 starters. Not to shabby but I'm shooting for podium this weekend. I found out I need water during a cross race, or at least during one that last 40 minutes in 85 degree weather. That was some crazy shit.

This weekend I'm skipping Warsaw to do the double header at Parkview. I vowed not to race cross till November but you know what, fuck it. I'm hooked, and ready to start kicking ass on the grass. I'll be sporting a water bottle, and I don't care how damn ridiculous or pussified you think I am. Gels too... That's just me...

Oh, we also debuted our new team last weekend, Team Ethos. Look for us around at about any racing event this side of the Mississippi. Yup, we'll be there...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Quick Update

So last weekend was awesome. I had a great time with Mike ripping Binder to shreads on my newly built Stumpy SS. That thing ripped ass, and tore up the trail with blazing speed. I was super happy with the day, minus my start fuck up. Jumped on my bike after the lemans start and my seat took a nose dive. I had to stop to fix it and got put behind literally the entire field. Sorry to those few riders who I had choice words with during the first lap. No one wanted to move out of the way and I was in a hurry... My bad.

We took 4th out of 28 teams. We lost 3rd by less than one minute with one mile to go at the end. Mike left everything he had out there, and couldn't quit hold off the badass on the other team who was riding like it was his first lap. Mike, you did awesome man! I held down super consitant lap times, minus my first lap. I turned a 34, then another 34, then a 35, and my last lap was my second fastest with another 34. It was an awesome race, and definently the best race for me this year. As far as racers times goes, I was the third fastest of the day according to times. Chris Ploch was the fastest, followed by Cameron Chambers, then Me. Super stoked about that, not to say that bad ass Jeff Winkler who turned 11 solo lapes couldn't have smoked my chili, but he was racing solo. That guy is insperation.

Had an good ride at Warsaw last night. In case you didn't know that's the local of the last XC mountain bike race this year. It goes down October 4th. If you have any balls, you'll come race. Trust me, you'll need them. This is a true mountain bike course, none of that pussy ass half cross half mountain bike shit we sometimes have to race. It's a unforgiving course, super fun, and it'll kick your ass on a SS, which I'll be racing. Good times my friends, good times will be indeed.

Swope Park XC is next weekend, mount up soldiers, the actions is going to be packed. I'm stoked to actually race an Expert age group class that doesn't put me in with the 30 somethings. Those asses have way more experience than me. Of course this also means I'll be facing Cam for sure, and likely guys like Shad S. Those fuckers are faster than me any day. Maybe top five????

So I'm off to the Sedalia stage of the Tour of Missouri. OH YA, got me a hospitality tent pass, AND a Media Pass. I'll post up ridiculous pictures of stupid fast racers, and their stupid fast, way to damn expensive bikes. I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I'll try to keep the creaming to a minimal...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Binder ATTACK!

Get ready, mount your horses, and be prepared for one of the fastest 6 hour courses this state has to offer. This Saturday marks the second annual Binder 6 Hour Race. Be there or be a square... But then again maybe square isn't so bad, it worked for this guy. His enthusiasm will be matched by mine on Saturday.

I'm going a different route this time. This was my best race last year, I took 2nd out of 40 racers, and beat my long time nemesis Kyle Shour. Kyle proved to make me his bitch at Rim this year, I think that New Mexico Pro training has helped. Last year I was gun ho into the endurance scene, but that's not the case this year. I'm good as gold up to the three hour mark, but after that I start petering out fairly quickly. I'm still waiting for the Viagra of endurance racing. Something to keep me hard all day long!

I'm pairing up with an older gentleman who posses much badassness, Mike Classen. This guy usually gives me a run for the money in the endurance field, and I forsee much good times on Saturday racing side by side with him. I'm totally stoked to race the 6 hour duo format, as I'm told it's the coolest shit since sliced bread, and pornography. It's gotta be good if it's as cool as porn.

So you'll see me on my newly revised Stumpy. I got pissed off from having gearing issues, and after having so much fucking fun on the Monkey last weekend, I striped it and it now weighs two pounds less and has one gear, instead of 27. It's going to be supa fast at Binder.

This is going to be perfect training for my next upcoming gauntlet of races, four XC races in a row. Get ready, get set, riding your fucking bike till the wheels fall off!

Find all the dirt here...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A New PR!

Stans 0 - Tubes 6

Last weekend Dishman and I made the long trek to Tipton, MO to do what was long hailed as one of the most bad ass weekends of Racing and drunken good times around. It proved just to be that. And it proved to kick my back tires ass with thorns that pierced and made tubes it's bitch all weekend long.

I won't bore you, but the trail was primo. A mixture of sweet river trails, and praire lands. I rocked the Karate Monkey SS since my gears were giving me troubles on the Stumpjumper. It proved to be a bad ass bike for this course. The glory lap was 13 miles long. I did three laps on the Karate monkey, and half of one on the Stumpy. I dug the SS sooo much more...

I flated 5 times during the race, and the sixth came as I pulled into camp. I had to cut the fourth lap short because the back tire was loosing air and I was out of tubes and forgot my damn patch kit back at camp when I asked Cam to patch a tube for me. Rookie mistake. I had to use my spare rear wheel which wasn't set up tubless, which also proved to be another mistake. I counted over 20 thorns in my front tire after the race. Stans proved to be king at this race.

We had an awesome time though, and I have to give a hugh shout out to the Palen Family who were kind enough to host us crazy hoodlums all weekend. The race was pricey, but worth every penny. The bicycle musical chairs proved to be a hoot, and Cam made that baby seat look good. The band was good, and our pony of Boulevard was even better.

No doubt had I not had my flat problems, I would have took top five in the Glory Solo. I was feeling good, and rolling strong. Cam put in the fastest lap at 52, Travis, his partner was throwing down consistant 56's. I put down a 1:02 in the first lap, on a SS, with a flat, and with a superman endo because some kid ran me off the trail. I was happy. Three laps into, with pit stops, and three total flats, I had averaged 1:08 per lap. Every race is a learning experience ass hopper, and next year, I WILL BE STANSED UP!

This weekend is the Binder 6 hour race, and I'm thinking of pairing up with a certain older fellow who rocks bikes like Ike kills jobs. Ya I saw this billboard up and had a laugh... BURN!

Monday, August 17, 2009

I'm Just A Bitch Ass Bitch

I said it... My race this weekend didn't go so hot. My legs decided to pitch a fit like a little 5 year old asshole kid who didn't get his way in Wal-Mart because his mom wouldn't buy him a toy. My mind is off, I haven't had a real great race season, and for some reason when the race director says go, my body knows it and decides to do everything in it's power to go into fuck you mode.

I don't know what it is, my training has been good. I've been putting in solid consitant three hour rides multiple times per week, with absolutly no cramping issues. I haven't cramped since Syllamo. I thought my base was good coming into RIM. I knew that if I took the first three hours easy, I could manage the last three and work through the pain. That was until my sissy legs went limp and cramped up at hour two. Fucking ridiculous.

While my race sucked major monkey balls, I have nothing but great things to say about it. Doug and the crew at heartland along with the trail crew, put on one AWESOME race. Thank you all soo much! You did a fantastic job.

The comraderie was top notch, getting to shoot the shit with alot of old friends, and new ones. Getting to bullshit with like minded people always ranks tops in my books. I have to give a big shout out to Team Segal, as always their superior awesomness shined, and I throughly appreciated the free PBR. Thanks guys!

Cam and Travis threw it down, and took first in the 12 hour duo, smoking the trail with blazing speed. Travis even worked through some sickness to put down some stellar times. Kyle Shour ripped our class to shreds, proving his top level training in New Mexico has payed off. Him made me feel like a bitch by lapping me later in the race.

I only put in four laps, and decided the damage to my legs had been enough. I could have pushed on, but it wasn't look great. Third place would have been the best I could have done, and that was by a very long shot proving I would have had two stellar last laps. I didn't have it in me. The cramps were unworkable, and debilitating to say the least. I can usualy ride through them, not this time. I decided to save myself for the week leading up to my first road race this weekend and call it quits. I know, I'm a big vagina.

Another RIM, another DNF. At least I made it further into the race this go around. The climbing was epic, and I proved to be the grown man on his knees on the side of the trail crying like a little bitch. Alright, I didn't cry, but I wasn't far from it. I kept in good spirits even though my performance was a major let down. Gods granted me the power to deal with that which has already been done, and to find ways to change, improve, learn, and move on. Shit happens, and it happens regularly to me. I did everything right, only to have everything go wrong. But that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes, and there's no use on dweling on the past.

I'm going through a major change in thoughts with this years racing. I need to change up my gameplan and start getting back to roots of just having fun. Fuck what others expect out of you, fuck what I expect out of me, I'm just out to enjoy the ride and give it all I can. If I do well, great, if not, I can still say I had fun and wasn't in it to win it. So for those of you who for some reason think I may be a threat to you if we happen to line up next to each other in the upcoming races, forget it. I'm not racing anymore, I'm having fun. Seems I do best that way.

So no expectations, just more learning and riding. I already have my mind on next year. My base will be massively changed this winter, and I know where I screwed up this year and what I have to do to fix it next year. There's still plenty of racing left, and there still might be hope, but I'm not going in to any race with any thoughts of doing well. We'll just see what happens...

Friday, August 14, 2009


Kiss your maidens goodbye, grab your bike, money, and chamois cream and get ready for the most epic battle of the YEAR! Many souls will be crushed tommorow, and I fully expect to watch grown men crumble to their knees in tears on the brutal hills of Crowder. If you have any balls at all, you'll show your face tommorow and flex your muscles in hopes to be crowned king of them all. Or in my case, just finish respectably without experiencing flashes of your life as death looms just around the next corner.

Work is non existant at this point, just managing to tick the time away until I can jet set the fuck outta hear, pack up and head north for the campsite and race venue. The soundtrack of my mind is constantly replaying the most badass song of all time, DIO Holly Diver. If you want to feel badass, you'll press play on the provided youtube video below. If you don't think your man enough to rock out in your cubicle like it's December 31st, 1999 ready to strike mid-night, then I say your not a man at all. ROCK OUT BITCHES RIM IS UPON US!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Get Ready, Pain Awaits

This weeks blogs brought to you by Ben Harper, Live From Mars, CD 1. This two disc compilation of his great hits live is one to put on the must have. Disc 1 suits me best, with some of his best live work such as Sexual Healing and Burn One Down. You can tell that his music is tailored to those with a easy going lifestyle with an emphasis on free spirit, pot smoking hippies. Not that I fit in that boat, but you can say I'm pretty easy going. It's funny to hear the audience truely speak up and start singing the loudest on Burn One Down, supporting the pot smoking hippies part.

This weekend was relaxed, with Friday night being my last big throw down party night before the next block or racing and mayhem. Partying for me now days consist of grilling out, drinking a six pack, and partaking in some other illegal activities that I won't go into detail about. Let's just say my younger days of smoking large amounts "smokables" has past, but from time to time I do enjoy the experience of a higher enlightenment. Racing has all but caused me to quit, but you got to have a little fun once in awhile.

Satuday I took my newest steed, a K2 carbon road bike, out for a spin to eleviate the past nights activities. The wind was decieving, causing a easier percieved effort out on the 15 mile leg, followed by a much harder than expected 15 miles back. The wind was going wild, up in the 20's, which made for a miserable cross head wind coming back. I thought I did a good job of working out the demons, but Sunday would prove they still lingered in my system.

I joined Travis Donn, and Cameron Chambers, along with a few other guys from some RIM recon work up at Crowder. I've never been blessed with railing these trails, so I figured what better company, and what better of a day to do so. Cam and Travis did a pretty good job of working me over during the first hour and a half of riding with them. I was having major issues with chain skip that caused me to ram jam my right knee into the shifter early on, resulting in an almost instantanious inflamed knee cap and some pretty serious pain. Being one not to bitch and moan TOO much, I manned up and held on as best as I could.

The hills killed me, guess the demons of Friday's past had to tamper with me a little more before being completly exorcised. My body shut down resulting in me walking some parts like a little bitch. The flats, downhills, and techinical aspects were alright. About the hour and half mark, Cam and Travis headed home, they had already been out for three hours. I took off to finish up and put in another hour. All in all I'm stoked about this weekends race. It's going to be one of the most challenging 6 hour races to date, and it's bound to be a blast. The highlights of the day were swimming in the lake, railing some serious downhills, and getting to enjoy a new trail system that will be a new venue for my future training.

For those who have been living in a cave for the last year, this Saturday marks the annual adventure known as RIM. You can find all the dirt here... It's a 6 hour race, it's a 12 hour race, whatever poison suites you. Get ready for some serious race action, and be prepared! This is not a sissy man's race course, and it's bound to be everything Landahl was plus some. Take away the large rock gardens like Root Canal and Mikies Tantrum, but throw in some serious hills and plenty of rocks and you've got yourself Crowder.

Remember, turn at the giant white cross to enter Crowder on Saturday, and don't forget to take moment to say a pray at said cross. You'll need God on you side this race, becuase it's Rapture in Misery bitches!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Another Epic Journey Filled With Ecstasy, Pain, and Pleasure

The John Butler Trio… Jamming as I type, these guys are to chill what Rage is to rock, with stinging lyrics about the white man killing mother nature to various other topics on what’s wrong with our world. They’re not all Debbie downers though, check them out, if your into my kind of music, you’ll like them. Grand National is a great place to start, Used to Get High is one of my favorites. Seems to be my life mantra now days…

I’m a little late to the party on last weekend’s journeys to far away great lands, but I couldn’t find my damn camera connector, and tales of such epicness could not be portrayed correctly without the images to back them up. I’m sure you understand…

My weekend started a day early with Jamie and I leaving after work on Thursday to make the four hour trek down to where the hoot owls fuck the chickens, Salem, Misery. That’s Missouri for those not in my boat. I guess it’s not all that bad, but I can think of other places to be. Salem is home to the Current River, and Montauk State Park. One of the many sides of my family, (hey, my branches spread far), conjured for their yearly trip to camp out, fish, and float.

This marked my first year for the journey, and it did not disappoint. We arrived around 9:30, popped up the tent, threw back some cold ones and hit the sack. I woke early to test my might against the mighty Montauk and the trout that hold to its bank. I opted not to do the artsy fishing I love, but took my ultra light out. I was soon reminded why I stopped trout fishing with it. Just not the same I tell you. I did manage to pull in two, and missed a couple others. One was about the size of the average male’s pecker, so I had to throw it back. The other was a keeper so on the stringer it went.

Fish cleaned and truck packed we took the thirty minute drive down back roads to the canoe rental. We had something like 32 people in our party, so they loaded us up and in no time we were on the river looking for a day of chill-laxin coupled with A LOT of cans full of America’s greatest fluid, BEER!

The float was awesome, it’s been way to long. It was like rejoining with your old best friend you haven’t seen in years. The partying was grand, the river was pristine, and the views were as close to breath taking as you’ll find in this great state. We did 8 miles I think, and by the end of it both Jamie and I were ten sheets to the wind. We were drunk, and loving life.

We arrived back at camp, half asleep, and while the rest of the crew cleaned up, my Pops, my little Bro, and I took off to the river. This time I took out my old school 7 foot 1 weight fly rod. Bring it back to the early days of whipping my rod around like Zorro, tangling every other cast, and trying to learn the ropes. Now days I’m a little more fluent and I can put a dry fly in perfect position for the elusive, heart skipping dry fly take from a rising trout. If you’ve never had the pleasure of pin pointing a rising trout, and working him till he strikes like stealth jet, then you haven’t lived. It ranks up there with the greatest thing I live for, I FUCKING love it. Excuse my french, but that shit is real, my passion runs deep and if I could, I’d spend every waking hour on trout rivers.

I got the shaft when I found out that all my tippet line had rotted and was worthless, leaving me with only some thick 3lb test that was too big to really productively dry fly fish with. I did manage to land three more, and break one off that happened to take the only good fly that was working magic at the time. We fished for about and hour so it was still productive. Two little dicks, and one keeper. Better than nothing, right?

We packed up Saturday morning and made the four hour trip home where I had a three hour lay over until my next journey, off to KC to meet Tim and Sean SSP Burns for our trip to Madison, KS for the “so called” epic Flint Hills Death Ride.

It was an hour and half to Sean’s place, and then another two hours to Madison. We arrived around 10:30 pm, I set up my tent, they slept out in the open, and by that time I was wiped clean out. To much driving for my taste, but sometimes you do what it takes in hopes for a trip that will forever be embed your memory banks for future story telling to you little ones. This happened to NOT be one of those times.

I won’t spare you the boring ride report, because it was boring to say the least. Apparently their description of dirt roads and ours are different. We call them GRAVEL ROADS around here. It basically turned into an 80 mile gravel road ride with absolutely no epicness to it. Pretty lamo. We spent probably a total of 10 miles in the actual Flint Hills which were pretty cool, and the rest of the 70 miles in flat ass plains. I could have ridden better gravel here any day of the week. The only dirt we hit was about 1 mile total of cow paths that ran parallel to the gravel roads. Other than that, it was a lot of gravel. Well hell, I guess the weather was nice, so that was welcomed. I guess if the winds howled at 20mph and it was 110 out, this might have been a challenge, but not in any fun way, more like why the hell am I doing this kind of a way.

Shawn had paragon dropout issues resulting in him running a 32x19 on his SS so I took the easy route and rode the first 70 miles with him. Without him this ride would have sucked serious monkey balls. The last 10 miles I decided to see what I had in the tank and took off at a blistering speed. I finished the last 10 miles in 30 minutes flat, and glad to be done with it all. I will give a shout out to the volunteers; they did a hell of a job at the aid stations. I will say I won’t be doing this ride ever again unless they find a way to make it more interesting and challenging. A quote from their website, “this is on the most difficult one day events in the country.” Bullshit. 5000 feet of climbing they say? My garmin read 3500, superior weaksauce for 80 miles. I can get that climbing in 40 miles here in flat ass Blackburn. Oh well, it was good training I guess, and good company. Can you ask for more? Nope, so ride well taken, and as we all know, any day spent spinning circles is better than sitting on your lazy ass watching Tour replays wishing you were riding your bike. Go Lance! Ha…

Three nights spent in a tent, now that’s living my friends. If you haven’t ever done so, I recommend you clear the calendar and do it. No racing this weekend for me, more endurance training leading up to Rim and the Binder 6 hour. I’ll probably race Marathon the following weekend, Dwayne has been on my case to race the three hour class and see what kind of fight I can put up to his awesomness. All signs lean to fail. But fail I may, but only to the best and that’s good enough for me…. Ride on my friends, ride on.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Viral Infections and Lamberts Cafe

The tunes of Sleep Through The Static by Jack Johnson flow from the speakers as I recap today's events. Jack has a way of making everything okay. It's like the blankie we all had as a kid, that when something didn't go our way we clung to for safety and comfort. While I no longer have that little torn, worn blanket, I have music, and it's my escape to collect memories of past and think of what has transpired throughout my life. It's my escape...

I will always forever be humble. I learned years ago that taking a fail in stride, learning from what went wrong, working on fixing it, and moving on was much better than deweling on what could have been and why it didn't go my way. Shit happens, deal. Today was one of those days. It's wasn't a life changing day by any means but all signs pointed to fail, but I failed to pay attention. I shoulda known by my stools...

Jamie and I headed down to Springfield to race the MWFTS race. It was that or the last race in the Warsaw series. Even though Mac sent an enticing e-mail informing me that if I came and race I would win the 50 dollar gift certificate to Pro Velo, the radar made the decision easy to make the longer drive to Springfield. Warsaw got beat to a pulp by rain, as did we on the drive down. Sprinfield was spared though, making for a stellar day of racing, on some supremly superb trails. The stage was set.

Mistake Number 1: We arrived with time, and I planned on doing a pre-lap. I never do a pre-lap. It was only a 6 mile loop I said. Everything was good until a group of us got lost on the trail do to a missing taped off section. I was running tight on time, and with only 15 minutes till our start I was meandering through the woods like a dog who lost his owner. I didn't know where the hell I was. I cut under a few taped sections and luckily hooked up with Dwayn G, who lead me back to the start. He's the shit...

I put forth a little to much effort, and even though I was feeling decent, the start would prove otherwise. We lined up and they told us that all Experts were leading out together. They said go, and that's exactly what everyone did. It was a smoking fast start up a paved road, and I knew right off the bat something wasn't right. I was lingering off the back of the pack struggling. It shouldn't be this hard, especially after a rest week. I should be fresh and ripping it. Not so much...

We funelled into the singletrack which gave me a moment to regroup and get control of the situation. I held on for a bit, but about 2/3 of the way through the first lap I noticed dwendling power, and a lose of concentration. It was Syllamo's Revenge all over again. I struggled on the last part, coming into the start finish wondering if I should even press on. It wasn't happening for me, and I knew it. I another Expert rider about 30 seconds up, so I figured I'd push on...

About 1 mile into the second lap, it was over. I didn't have it. My power meter was losing steam rapidly and all systems were shutting down. I had been victim of another viral infections. The kind that you don't much notice unless you pay close attention, but strikes in the most inconvient times. It happend at Syllamo, which made for the hardest race of my life. It like you don't want to go, hills deminish you to pulp, and your left to stop, rest, walk a bit, and ride slow. It sucks ass crack and ball sacks. So I dialed the effort meter down to little to nothing and slowly cruised the whole second lap. It was a slow group ride type of pace, no need to dig a bigger hole. I finished the second lap a whole 14 minutes slower than my first. Now that's Pro...

Mistake Number 2: A cold sore... I get them when these things take hold. I played it off as a breakout, focusing on resting up and making sure my mental game was on par for the race. I tend to not have time to focus on any negatives, an only think postitive hoping for the best.

Mistake Number 3: My poop... I won't go into detail but it wasn't normal. Should have known... But I was on a slightly different diet plan were I don't eat three squares, but cut it up into 8 to 10 small meals spaced out through the day. I was also eating more veggies and fruits so I figured that was the cause.

You can't win them all. Most never win at all. I had fun non the less, got to rip some awesome singletrack and mingle with good like minded folks. I felt the worse after the race, feeling like death had come to meet his next victim. I struggled to stick around but they had boo koo swag, and damnit, something good was to come of this day. I ended up having to stick around till the absolute end, almost dead last in the giveaways, but still managed to take home a new C02 air pump.

Huge kudoos to the race director and all the volunteers. They put on one hellava race. They even gave away three bikes. That's fucking crazy... You all rock!

Afterwards we headed over to the O So Famous Lamberts Cafe. It was an hour wait, but we didn't care. Jamie's never been and we were already down there. So we waited...

For those of you who havent been to Lambert's, here's a quick description. It is the center of our American Obesity epidemic. It is the black hole that is known as fat. I love it to death, but damn, if that's what would have become of all eating establishments, then we would no longer exist as a race. You don't come to Lamberts to eat small. They load you up, bring around copius amounts of fixins, and toss rolls that are so good that even after 5 you want more. They had an HOUR long wait on a Sunday. Name any other resturant that has that. They are the direct cause of over 100,000 clogged arteries a year, and countless heart attack victims. As I sit here I feel my arteries collapasing. Oh well, once in a while never hurts right?

Off to the recovery chamber for some self-massage, and other home remedies to loosen up tough legs. Today was not my day, but I'm still here to fight another. Success is on the horizon, I have the cards, now I just need to learn how to play them correctly. The success for today, NO FLATS! Hope everyone had a great weekend, and here's to another week of work!

PS: Don't forget about next weekend's race in Emporia KS, but on by High Cylery. Search my later post for more info. I'll be there, will you?

Friday, July 3, 2009

Harlan Price - One Stand Up Dude

Wednesday night was a hightlight for me. Not because of the awesomeness that was Rockbridge, with it's uber fast river sections, and leg burning climbs, but because of a guy I met after the ride. I guess it was a classice case of being at the right spot at the right time. I just happend to be stretching, at that moment and place when a certain Volvo came pulling up next to me. A shortish (to my lanky ass), skinnier fellow hopped out with his pup in tow and asked how the ride was. He looked familiar...

After a few minutes of the classic biker bullshiting, I realized who I was talking to, Harlan Price. National level pro racer who dominates long endurance events and crushes the souls of the weak of hearted. Here's a little article about a win he just put down across seas' in a 9 day stage race. Pretty serious...

What's the odds? Harlan was passing through, and just got done riding Rockbridge. He was on his way to Colorado to spend three weeks racing the Breck Stage Race and the Breckenridge 100, and I think the Marathon Nationals too. Most would place a pro at an elitist mentality, but Harlan was far from that. He was a stand up dude, who was as nice as one of your best friends. He was stopping by to take a quick nap, but was happy to shoot the bull with me for over an hour as we visited on how the pro life was, why we first started riding, recovery and training ideas and tips, and more. It was an awesome hour...

Harlan first got into riding out of College, a little bit of a late bloomer you could say. It didn't take him long, and after a strong Expert win at Snowshoe he upped to Semi-Pro. He said it all happend fairly fast and he only won one semi-pro race before cating up to Pro. He's been racing for Independent Fabrications from the time he started racing Pro.

He pretty much summed up the Pro life with one word, sacrifices. He said you have to give up alot of your social life, and be prepared to live on a tight budget starting out, traveling alot solo like he was doing. I didn't bother to ask him if he was married, figuring that could be a sore spot. I was curious as to all of this, because I've always had this little devil inside me that says taht one day, if I push hard enough, and make the right moves, that I could be o so pro... I'm young enough, but it has alot more to do with it than that. Luckily I'm surrounded by family and friends that have full faith in me, and consistantly tell me I can do it no problem, which keeps me running full speed ahead. I've got the drive of a formula 1 race car, and damnit, I'll get there one day...

Harlan said he took a hiatus from racing for one year, but only 4 days into a bike tour in Central America, he decided he wanted back in. That's how it works, just when you think your out, it sucks you right back in. I guess when your that good, you almost have to make the most of your talent, knowing that so many people wish to be in your boots.

He gave me a pretty good pointer on recovery, one which he seem very adament about. Naps. A giant smile covered his face when he said the best thing to do is to take a 15-20 minute nap as often as possible. He said it was the greatest thing ever. I like his thinking... Now that I think about it, Einstein never slept, he just took alot of naps. Maybe there's something to that...

He showed me the lightest front 29er wheel I've ever laid hands on, a Stans Race 29er wheel, laced up Industry Nine style. This thing was road wheel light. We talked about my problems with flats this year, and he gave me some good advice on tire selection, and how to be more smooth when I'm riding. Apparently I'm supposed to be as "quiet" as possible when I'm riding. Sound enough advice. I told him that with every race I learn something, and I take it as a humbling experience. I find out what I need to work on, and I work on it religiously. He said that was priceless... Being able to recognize what your weak at is your greatest motivator, and actually doing something about it is even better.

I got to test out his foam roller, which I've been aware of but apprehensive. It was the shit, I'm on it like Sonic. Got one ordered already. Graeme Street with Cyclo-core was touting about them, and said they're great for myofacial release. It's supposed to be the shit for working out IT bands.

Towards the end he mentioned watching a couple of kids pull up, and within minutes throw on helmets, and pedal off. They were there for one reason, to ride. He said he almost forgot what that was like. When we ride, it's a systamatic approach to get going. Get dressed, put on cycling shoes, check the air in the tires, lube the chain, get nutrional items, water, ect... We almost forget what we're there for, to ride. He said it's easy to get burned out and forget your true propose. He's already done 19 races this year... That's crazy.

It's funny, because Jamie called me earlier in the day while I was working with Pops. She was bored and was reading horoscopes. She read mine, "your ability to communicate will open up new doors." Then she read dads, "open your eyes, a opportunity will present itself to you today that will prove to be very valuable in the future." Up until that night, I've never got to talk with a true idol in the sport. Someone who is in a postition that I want to be in someday. Sure we have some great racers around the state, but Harlan is living the dream. Dreams are different to everyone, and this one may not be for you, but I'm thinking I could see myself in his shoes one day.

So as I wrap it up, let me make one point. Harlan gave me a kick ass Indy Fab catalouge, and I told him the only reason any of us want to go pro is so that one day some little kid will come up and ask for our autograph. He laughed, and said it's still foreign to him. I made him sign his page in the catalouge, and he signed it, "Make Old New Again! Harlan Price." It's mid-season, you've been working your ass off on the bike. Winter was long base miles, and then it was ramped up with intensity, or whatever else you like to do on the bike. Races are underway, and it's warming up. It's easy to forget why we got into this sport, why we do what we do everyday. Hell I foget about it often. I'm far from being burned out after my chance encounter with Harlan, it fueled the fire that burns down deep and keeps me rolling day in and day out. If your like most though, and are starting to wear down, and finding it hard to get back out day in and day out, just remember, make old new again. Go out and have fun, you can't take this shit too seriously. It's all about the ride, friends, and great times! Have a fantastic 4th and be safe my friends...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

SS Non Race, Ripping Landahl, and Blisters

I guess when you shout, scream, and curse enough, the powers to be listen and grant you one wish, dry trails. Sunday was the SS "non-race" at Binder in Jeff City. If you missed it, sorry, you missed on hellava time. Probably the best ride/race I've done this year, due to the fact that it was low key, the entry fee was beer, and we all were on the same playing field rocking one gear like bats outta hell.

There were about 40 riders who showed, and had it not been for ANOTHER flat in the last lap, I woulda been 3rd. Guess 4th isn't so bad. Afterwards the beer and bbq got fired up, and the shit talkin and bullshittin got underway. Rich took 3rd, the same badass who almost took my win at Warsaw. Furhman took 1st. Had it not been for the flat I was confident I woulda been put up in the sprint finish. They were just ahead when I got screwed... I was pleased though, given I did a three hour hotter than hell ride on Saturday and spent the rest of the day soakin it up at the Oceans of Fun with the little ones. That was a good time, but damn was it packed with little runts who ran around like little torpedos ready to strike at any moment you weren't paying attention.

So the weekend was grand, the only downfall was I had a master blister on my left hand from not riding a rigid in so long. So I got the word from Shawn "SSP" Burns that it was going down last night at Landahl. I had planned on taking another day off to let the hand heal but that shit was outta of the question. I ran late and didn't have time to get the Stumpy in order, so it was more rigid fury for me.

It was Shawn, Jessie, Travis, and I, and we threw down. Rode everything but Rim, and part of Wills, did Tasty twice, and 10 and 11. All in all it was the best group ride to date this year. Fucking blast... I had no grip by the end of it though, and my hands now sport a couple of other blisters that are sure to pop at the next handshake, hopefully not on an important client. Take the good with the bad pussy.

Railing Rockbridge tonight, in BOCOMO, so if your around and you see the cow rolling around, say hey. Let's hope these hands hold up...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Missouri Sucks Monkey Balls

Let me first say that I didn't choose to be raised here. I was forced to. I often think what it would have been like to be a child raised in a small mountain town out in Colorado, or where the trout fishing is sweeter than lollipops in the small town of Missoula, Montana. But alas, I was raised in the Po-Dunk, weather couldn't be crazier, boring as hell Missouri. Some days it doesnt seem to be so bad, yesterday, it did. I will go on record and say that I still live here because of choices that "I" made, and I coulda had my chance to get out when I could. What the hell was I thinking...

I drove from work in Sedalia yesterday, to Shawns house to go out and ride SMP and then back to his crib for the infamous backyard trials course. I had the option of going to Columbia, which in the long run woulda provided more dry trails, but when you have a pimp ass trials course like Shawn's, you make exceptions. So I arrived an hour and a half later, did a few bike tweaks, got a few bad ass new parts from Shawn, and headed down the road to meet a group for the Humper ride. There were 11 of us, and we set off. I rode behind OlathaJoe for minute before splitting off on my own due to the increase wind and likelyhood of rain. Who woulda fucking guessed? A surprise strom moving SOUTH right towards us.

A few short minutes later, and I was greated with the most thunderous lightning strikes hitting what seemed like in the woods only a hundred yards away from me and the bike. These were the kind of lightning strikes that make your hair stand up, and put a hellava pep in your step in accordance to getting the fuck out as soon as possible. I haven't had a lightning experience like that since I was a wee boy trying to catch that one last fish before the incoming storm out at the farm pond. I never caught that last fish, but I was greated with a shake in your boots lighting strike that demolished a giant oak just a hundred yards away. I never would have thought such a girlish scream could pertrude from a boy who thought he was so tough. That was some scary shit yo.

One thing I did learn last night, and that's if you make your bike go fast, it will. I've never split through rock gardens on my rigid SS so fast in my life. It was dusk dark in the woods and you could barely see the rocks, but I had one agenda, and that was getting out alive. I put the pedal down and maxed out the cadence blowing through rock gardens and slicing corners like I was minutes away from being the SS World Champ. It felt PRO... Adrenaline will do that I'm told. Now if I could just transfer that to a race.

So I reached the pravilion, hell broke loose, and the rains flooded the earth that I was just moments ago scorching with my fat tires. Shawn was a team player as always and came to the rescue, which was good because we could barely see to drive the mile and a half back to his place, much less ride in the shit. I like to look at the bright side to every dark moment, and I figured it was God's way of keeping me from hitting the Trials course that night. Who knows, a hospital trip could have been in the planning had it not been for that rain. I still got to down on a few PBR's and shot the shit with Shawn, so a wasted trip it was not.

On a light note, I won the Warsaw race on Sunday, this time with a little more stiff competiton. Rich from Columbia, originally from Wisconsin, was there to ensue pain upon the expert field. I rode behind him for the first lap of 4, took the lead in lap two, lead till the flat in lap four, in which Rich passed me, but flatted a mile or so later, and I took it home for the win. Ebby Norman took second with Rich in tow for third. The next Down and Dirty Race is July 12th, so make it out if you can.

I took the SS out in preperation for the much anticipated SS shindig this weekend at Binder lake in Jeff City. Should be a kick ass time, the "race" starts at noon, the entry fee is the price of your favorite six pack of brew, and afterwards the BBQ gets fired, and the beer gets drunk. The action should be packed, and the pace should be feirce, I plan on spinning circles like a mad man to get some more intensity training in before the next big race, Sac River. If you ride a SS, there's not a better course, so come get some!

Friday, June 19, 2009

That's Alot of Grass

Dishman told me about this scandle last night. With hair like that who woulda guessed? Something about those downhillers always intrigued me, but this hits a new high. Ha, get it? High? Thats enough grass to make me happy for a very looonnnggg time. Guess all that fame and glory she had back in the nineties didn't satisfy her finacially. In true stoners fashion, load up the pipe, spark up a fatty, and rip the bong for Missy "The Missle" Giove in hopes that she's not bound to the pen for the for the rest of her days. Here's the dirt...

Sedalia TT Training

Well I got wind that the Sedalia TT Training has been brought back on board. They run them on the first and third Thursday of every month, and it's a pretty damn good time. The course is roughly 20k, with quite a bit of climbing for a TT course. Now I'm no TTist by any means, no roadie either, just a guy with a Kona Jake, and a need for speed. So I thought I head out and flex my speed and see just how much I've improved over last year.

There were a total of 6 of us, with a couple in the group who could roll pretty well themselves. We set off in one minute intervals with my rounding off the back. I warmed up decently but the past few days of effort had me feeling a little sluggish. Ebby loaned me some sample packets of this new stuff which for the life of me I can't remember this morning. I'll post a review of it after the race at Warsaw this weekend. Seemed to be some pretty strong stuff, mainly focused on amino acids.

I took off well, and hit the road battling the strong cross wind. The wind and heat were the factor last night. It was hot and we had a strong SW wind whipping at 10-15 miles per hour with gust in the mid twenties. We turned directly into the wind about 3 miles into it and that's where the pain train began.

There's a long gradual hill that left me for ruin as it demolished my speed to 17mph. Not exactly TT material... I grudged up it, and hammered to the next turn, up the small rise, turn again for the last little leg of the out trip. The turn around happens just after a hill that is big enough to make you cry, especially trying to haul balls. I made it up almost to the top before blowing up. I took a swig, turned around and enjoyed the tail wind as much as possible.

The return trip was alot nicer, with a couple of balling tail wind section in which my Jake accelerated into the low 30's and held. I will say the wind did more damage than help because on the last leg it was a nasty cross head that reduced the speed down even more.

I put it in the red for most of the journey and the last climb to the finish was an all out effort in which I reached a new Max HR, and came across the line eyes closed with the hammer down. It was painfull...

Ebby had me at just under 34 minutes but my Garmin had me under 33. Not sure what happend there but I'm going with the Garmin cause it's faster you know. I was happy with it beins that last year I was in the 36-37 range and the conditions were much better. Now it's what I have to do to get it under 30. That's my goal, which I'm confident to say I'll reach. Maybe if I put some slicks on the rig instead of running cross tires next time. I'm always one to use the most unconventional shit for the situation to make it even harder than it should be.

If your in the area, stop by and join us. The next TT is the first Thursday in July, we meet at the church off 32nd street in Sedalia. It's about a mile from the 32nd and 65 intersection. The fun begins at 6pm.

Warsaw is a go for Sunday, so if you don't plan on driving 4 hours to race in Farmington, this is your other option. Find out all the dirt in my lower post or call ProVelo in Sedalia. It's going to be a good weekend...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Grinding Gravel and Hungover Intensity

I recovered well last week, and managed to put in some really good riding. The weather sucked monkey balls as usual. Spring seems to still have it's death grip on us, forcing us to stick to road, or what I enjoy even more, gravel. I took the Stumpy out on Wed. for some good gravel grinding, and then again on Saturday for a half century on the rocky roads. Fifty miles on gravel leaves me wore out, beaten, and ready for the best reason to ride, beer...

A six pack of Shocktop, on of my top summertime brews, hits the spot. I used to be able to throw down with the best of them when it came to drinking. El Milagro was my vice, a fifth of it on a Friday night was always doable. Then came the next days hell, which I came to not to much care for limiting my tequila intake. I'd rather not waste a day hungover...

Sunday woke, and I rolled out of bed to down some stone cut oats, which I've come to love after devouring Shawn's at Syllamo. That shit is golden. Some honey, peanut butter, and a banana tossed in makes a hellava breakfast. I felt decent, a little wore out from the past weeks efforts, and a little heavy due to my weak ass tolerance for alcohol, but ready for a hour and a half of hard work turning circles.

The wind had it's turn on me for the first 35 minutes of hard work after a 20 minute warm-up. I'd put it at around 10-15mph straight to the head. I turned around with an average of 19.2. Time to make up... 55 minutes later and I was done, turning in an average of 21.8mph just over 30 miles in. Not bad for a wore out, half-hungover morning.

In cycling news, the next round of the Down and Dirty Race goes on this Sunday. Ya it's Father's day, but it's an early race and I see my dad enough the way it is. Come out and partake in the pain if you can, it's sure to be another great day to rock the new Warsaw trails, and get more race trainging in. I'm working on trying to keep my top end going strong throughout the whole race and not pettering off like a sissy boy. We'll see if my new training has payed off...

Quit making excuses and go ride!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Rhetts Run ReCap

So the results show I'm not even good enough to be a mid-packer. Some say numbers don't lie, but these numbers don't exactly tell the whole story.

Lining up with 16 other Expert racers in your first big Expert race was different. It wasn't so much a sense of fun and joking around. These boys were here to throw down, and you could see it in their eyes. I'm about as serious as three dollar bill, so I did my best to put my game face on and look intemadating. I don't think they flinched...

3... 2... 1... and we're off. Damn that's a fast start. I end up mid-pack, right where I wanted to be. Somehow got stuck behind a slower rider who let the front of the pack race off into the distance. I ask to pass on a hill, he obliges. Thank you whomever you may have been.

It was a ridiculous pace, I was riding at limit, and it felt great. I caught up to Mike Best somewhere about halfway through lap one. I'm riding to good I thought. Mike should be way ahead by now, but I guess he was having a rough start. I rode with him for most of lap two, and then passed him towards the end. Halfway through the race, and I'm holding down 5th place. Dizzamn I thought, I might just top 5 it, which I thought would be a ice cubes chance in hell...

Feeling good, come up on another rider and as I try to pass I slip up on a log creek crossing, go mid-superman, manage to land back on the saddle, but crush a nut. That shit hurt something serious. It took the wind out of me, as my sails burned to the ground. It took a minute to regroup and refind that left testicle, but it eventually re-apeared and I was in better spirits.

I was riding alright, feeling the pain a bit, when I come up to a rocky sections in lap three. I guess I came in a little too hot and a little too off center, cause I burped my tire real good spewing stans out, and loosing all my air. I didn't know if it was a cut or a big ass burp so I made the decision to throw a tube in it and call it good. I don't know how much time I lost but that pretty much set the pace for the rest of the race. I got passed by a big group of people, some of which I knew were in my race and some who were not. I got it aired back up and started turning cranks again.

I never really got it working again, that was pretty much the end of it for me. Looking back on it, I feel like a big pussy for not digging in and driving myself into the ground on lap 4. I guess I figured I'd save some for the next day and not loose another day of training to a race that I had no chance of winning. I finished lap four with a sad ass time, 1 hour and 44 minutes. I had hoped for a sub 1:35. I could have had it...

So that's the story of my first real Expert race, and I'm pleased. I now know I have what it takes, I just need to tweak a few things, and work on a few areas. Live and learn they say, and I was learned during this race.

Thanks for to the volunteers and the race promoters for putting on a good race. I don't care what everyone else says about you all... I guess there was some kahoots with the timing. Shit happens, get over it.

Next up is the second race in the Warsaw series, Father Day the 21st. Then its back to Sac River for the first time in 3 years... Maybe Sac will be better to my sack. I'm never going to be able to have babies...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Rhetts Run

Oil your chain, air up your tires, and butter your balls, the next race in the MWFTS is due for Sunday down at the infamous Rhetts Run course in Columbia, MO.

This is a kick ass trail for those who haven't had the chance to blaze it's glory. Super fun race course with a couple of ass kicker hills, some super fast downs, and overall balls to the wall riding.

Last year I did the Marathon on my POS SS Hardrock. Sucked balls... This year it's expert all the way on the new Stumpy. If trails are right, it'll be a hellacious 5 lapper. 4 laps would be perfect, that 5th is gonna whip my arse if it happens.

So we'll see you out there, and if we don't then that's your own damn fault, but don't ever say no one invited you...

Here's the dirt. -

Camp Alexander Race

Lelan sent me a comment the other day and I haven't had the time to post up. I guess those boys down in Emporia are putting on a race coming up in July. You can find all the info here...

Guarantee payouts are sure to make the bigs boys come...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Down and Dirty Race 1

Damn I'm glad to be finally moved. I spent a total of 15 hours moving and cleaning this weekend. Seems like in the last few years, I've double my accumulation of useless shit, but being sort of a pack rat, you know I've got to keep it. You just never know when you'll need an old school N64. I used to get down on the Mortal Kombat.

So Sunday came, and we were up with the sun to get ready for the first race in the Warsaw race series, Down and Dirty. I knew the course, and I knew it was going to be a tough day. My body was wore from all the moving, and three weeks of pretty heavy riding. It was the end of my three week block, and more or less the last ride to ride myself in the ground before a week of rest. Our race was a three lap, 21 mile race, with alot of climbing, and plenty of ass pounding rocks.

We arrived at 9:30 and even though our expert race was supposed to start at 10:30 it didn't roll off till 11:15. I took the lead of the five man group, but shortly flatted when a rock penetrated my rear tire spewing Stans out everywhere. The tire is only about 6 rides old, it did go through Syllamo, but I was still dissapointed at it's longevity. Maybe if fucking tires weren't 50 dollars now days I wouldn't take it so personally. But until you pansy ass tire companies can come out with a tire that will actually hold together in rocks, doesn't weight a pound, and can get me through more than a handful of rides, I'm gonna bitch. I got passed by all the experts, and all the sport racers...

So I got it fixed and started to roll. It wasn't long and I was passing the sport feild like a bat outta hell. I wasted alot of energy but I wanted to regain my lead before the end of the lap. I managed to catch up to the two lead expert racers about 2/3's a way through the first lap. I took off past them on a field opening and never looked back.

I flatted again later in the race but still managed to come out with the win, with about 20 minutes to spare. The competition wasn't super stiff or anything, but damnit, a win is a win and I'll take it. I forgot my damn Garmin so I have no data, but I know my average was lower, partly due to the fact that I was running about 80%. Not a stupendous effort by any means.

I'm ready to rest, these old bones are tired, and the body is telling me to give it a break. Next weekend is Rhetts Run in CoMo, so I'm getting ready to experience a true Expert race. One in which I'll struggle to hold on for a short period of time, before being exploded off the back of the pack and be forced to wander the trails solo wondering just how far back my slack ass is. But maybe, just maybe, I'll get lucky enough to mid-pack it. We'll see...

Thursday, May 28, 2009


Stress at work, moving, shitty weather... It's been one of those weeks, and we even had Monday off. Last night I felt like blowing off some steam, so I grabed the Jake and headed out to do some hills, or heels as my country bumpkin girlfriend Jamie would call them.

We live in some pretty flat country around here, but I was in Warrensburg which meant I knew exactly where all the ball busters were. I headed out west after the FU Hill, followed by Premature Ejaculator and Meat Grinder, three times, back East to the Lions Hills, followed by You Suck Hill, and finished off with the Nut Buster. All in all I ended up with a hair under 1500 feet of climbing in a little less than and hour and half. My legs were stuck, wore out, and I had a bunch of cleaning to do.

I opted to procrastinate on this whole moving deal. I had all month to do it, but I figured why not wait till the last 4 days to do it all? So I spent all night cleaning and packing shit. I hate moving. I did say screw it this time though, and rented a Uhaul truck for Friday. I'm out on making 5 truck loads and 5 different trips from Blackburn to Warrensburg. My times worth more than the hundred dollars it will take to move it all one trip with the 17 foot moving truck.

I'm gonna take the Stumpy out and ride from Blackburn to Warrensburg tonight, about a 35 mile round trip on mostly gravel, then do more packing and cleaning. Tommorow nights gonna be a all nighter, and hopefully we should have it all whooped by Saturday in the AM. Then it's rest time, and getting ready for some ego crushin on Sunday at the Warsaw race. I'll have a nice big head going into the Rhetts Run, where abouts my soul will be crushed and my head popped like a pimple on a fat ladys ass. I'll leave you with that...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Don't Drink and Dive!

Mixing swimming with drinking is NOT a good idea. Keep that in mind this weekend. You may get to the point of intoxication that it seems like a great idea to do a double gainer off the top of the dock, only to find out when your limp drunk body lands in the water, you're too drunk to swim your way back to the dock, let along pull your pansy ass up on it. Better hope you have one of these to save you...

I've had to save more than one friend who thought the same idea was smart.

Schmo and I tore up Landahl for a couple hours last night on the SS Monkey's. Trails are primo folks, hit them before the rain on Sunday and Monday. Saturday will be TITS!

I'll be heading down the the Lake to indulge in being a fat lazy ass. I will be staying sober long enought Saturday to go hit up the Warsaw trails though. Put in a little recon work for next weekends race.

What's that you say? Race at Warsaw? Yes, it is true, there's an undergroundish three race series going on down at the new and fresh Warsaw, MO trails. The first race is May 31st, the second is June 21st, and the third falling on July 12th. It's cheap, it's fun, it's another excuse to go ride yourself into the ground. Begginners pay 5 bucks, Sport is 10, and the few Expert racers is 15 bucks. Call Provelo in Sedalia for more info, (660)826-3322.

So whatever it is you find yourself doing this weekend, do it to the fullest, have fun, and remember, don't drink and dive!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My Soon To Be New Hood

Well, I'm turning a leaf, and saying goodbye to the rat hole town of Warrensburg that I've called my home for the last few years. I guess it wasn't THAT bad, but I guess if you compare a football shoved up your rear vs. a porcupine, that isn't that bad either. It's not my cup of tea.

I'm choosing to move to an even bigger hole in the wall, but more or less in a good way. Blackburn brings it back to the old school days of growing up in Russelville. Except Blackburn is much smaller than that. Its chill though, country as Garth Brooks, and it has a nice lake a stones throw from the back yard. Yup, it's real nice I tell ya.

Spent a good five hours on the bike this weekend. Two and a half hours on both Saturday and Sunday. I need to get my motionbased account set up so you can see all that is awesome with my Garmin readouts. Nothing grand...

Speaking of grand, here's a little town that pretty much sums up the kinda place you'll find me rolling my two wheels around...

That got me thinking, what constitutes a town? I mean you can piss from one side to the other in this town. So I did some detective work. Seems as though the order goes like this, Hamlet, Village, Town, and City. Wiki had Grand Pass labled a Village. I'm pretty sure I'm the only lycra wearing fancy pants to travel through Grand Pass, but I'm happy to say, I made it through successfully.

A couple other images that let you know just how country it is out here. This isn't like suburbs of KC country, this is like where the hoot owls fuck the chickens country. I would be more worried if I didn't carry a 12 guage strapped to my bike while riding. Let some hillbilly try to make me squeal like a pig. There's no snout here fat boy...

One last note before you go about your day, how do you all keep from this?

Guess I'll just have to play the farmer's tan part, and deal with the paste that is my body. It's gonna look real good this weekend when I'm showing off my bodies for the ladies. Get your glasses ladies, this sexeness will blind you...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Start of Something Grand

If there's a bandwagon to jump on, I'm on it. These things are like the latest and greatest I'm told, you're a no body until you have your own blog. We'll slap my ass and call me Skippy, I'm now a somebody. I've gone global, but I promise this won't be just another average, half-assed, this is what my boring day consisted of type of blog. More like a source of all awesomeness, what's new in the emense world of Mid-West cycling, and how I'm preparing to dominate the weak of hearted on the trails next race. You'll also find reports of my mojo being crushed by the stupid fast Expert racers this year, reports of epic far and away battles with the most stellar trail systems in the area, and a bunch of other random musings and ramblings. Strap youself in, your about to take a ride on the crazy train...